为何历史得及格

考试季节又来临，考生紧张，家长紧张，学校老师紧张，补习中心上上下下紧张，校长更紧张。不属于上述的也跟着紧张。紧张之余，笑一个呗：

Let me share a joke with you first.

~~~~~~失礼，失礼！是英文版。

Here it goes.....

I was looking for an empty space to park my car at Bangsar when suddenly there's a knock on the glass "Encik ah..tanya sikit ah..itu Chimpeng mana ah..?" "Apa?" "Chimpeng, Chimpeng...saya sudah tanya itu guard ah.. dia ckaap sini adasatu Chimpeng..." "Soli-lah Apek. Saya tak tau woh...Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?" "Aiyah...itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la..." "Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa?Along ka?" "Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..? itu Chimpeng macam ituMaypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng...itu balu punya Peng.." Adoi... buat aku pening je..dia actually cari CIMB Bank

CIMB Bank was formerly known as Bumiputra Commerce Bank, and before that it was known as Bank Bumiputra Bhd. Bank Bumiputra was set up by the late Tun Razak about 30 years ago. 30 years later, his son Nazir took over the bank and decided to fully "Malaysianise" it and share it with other races in Malaysia and rename the bank CIMB Bank which stand for CINA INDIA MELAYU BANK. Make sense, isn't it!

p/s: They cannot put the "M" (Melayu) in front because it will end up as MICB Bank and Samy Velu objected to it as he wanted to reserve the name for his own bank later. :-)

呵呵呵呵，对考历史的人有帮助噢！对考通识科目(Pengajian Am)的人也有帮助哟！对写作文找证据的人更有帮助啊！( ⊙ o ⊙ )

转载：南洋商报社论

南洋社论:4860万，够吗？ 2010/11/14 6:16:42 PM ●
教育部副部长拿督魏家祥博士星期六宣布，国阵政府落实大选前的承诺，拨地五英亩在布特拉高原兴建“敦陈修信华小”，并提供600万令吉充作建筑费，整个建校计划包括土地费用超过1600万令吉。他强调，敦陈修信华小的兴建，其实不在中央政府于3·08大选时所承诺的“6+13”方案，而是马华向首相拿督斯里纳吉要求后，变成“6+13+1”方案；换言之，依据国阵的承诺，中央政府将在国内新建七所华小(比之前答应的多出一所)，另外搬迁13所华小。
魏家祥公布中央政府批准兴建敦陈修信华小时不忘为马华讨功劳，是不过分的政治举动，可是，就在这位副教长宣布有关喜讯的同一天，教总对媒体发表的一份《微型华小调查报告》，却再次提醒大家，命运坎坷的华小所面对的难题，实在不胜枚举。教总这份调查报告指出，国内1291所华小当中，少于150名学生的微型华小占了540所或41.8%，其中13所学生人数少过10人，252所微型华小由于缺乏经费而面对校舍情况恶劣的问题，威胁学生和教职员人身安全，当中12所校舍更属于危楼。调查报告保守估计，在硬体设备上面对问题的有关252所微型华小，一共需要4860万令吉维修、提升或重建校舍等工程；问题是：4860万令吉是一个大数目吗？
马华总会长拿督斯里蔡细历医生今年5月间在马华总部举行的媒体联访中透露，马华已针对第十大马计划向首相提呈厚达百余页备忘录，其中包括要求中央政府拨款10亿令吉给华小作为发展经费，另加每年3000万令吉华小维修经费。10月10日，蔡细历在马华年度代表大会上，当面向首相纳吉要求，在第十大马计划中增加全国1292所华小发展经费，并直言在第九大马计划下所拨出的3亿2500万令吉只是杯水车薪，“因此，在第十个大马计划下，有关拨款应增加二至三倍。”当上马华总会长之后，蔡细历一再表示马华将高调问政，不再埋头苦干；这是一种政治策略，是好是坏完全是马华的家事，外人不应干预，但在针无两头利的道理下，马华必须了解，高调问政固然让人清楚她在讲些什么做些什么，可一旦“讲”跟“做”之间出现太大差异，或所做的又无功而返时，反效果必将出现。
马华要中央政府在为期五年的第十大马计划下，拨款10亿令吉充作华小的发展经费，另加每年3000万令吉维修经费，平均起来，每年是2亿3000万令吉。这个数目，或许还有人会嫌少，但远的不看，要拨出4860万令吉给教总所列明的有关252所微型华小，理应问题不大。4860万令吉是2亿3000万令吉的21%，不到11亿5000万令吉的5%，这个数目确实不大。

几家欢乐几家愁

从2008年开始，也从校长开始为了公考成绩而落泪，甚至向家长道歉开始，考试的意义荡然无存。或许是个案吧：有学生在UPSR、PMR、SPM的语文科拿特优，但是无法写好一封信或一个完整的段落。但愿，也许，这真的是个案而已。

阿Q一下

朋友送来五则马来西亚未来的英文笑话，委实在我生日这一天锦上添花，尤其是第5则。纵然是虚拟，足以聊发少年狂。我们且乐一乐吧：Of course, I have heard them b4, these are recomposed.
Six Malaysian jokes of the year :

1. Najib, Pak Lah, and Old man Mahathir were patrolling in a helicopter.

* Old Man Mahathir: "If I drop a piece of RM1000 note from here,
the person that picks it up must be very happy."

Pak Lah: "If I throw two pieces of RM500notes down, it will make 2 person
happy."

Najib: "If I drop TEN pieces of RM100notes, there will be 10 happy people."

The pilot murmuring to himself: "Why don't all of you just jump down from here, that will make 27 million people happy.


2. Samy V wished to enhance his reputation by publishing a series of stamps with his portraits. One month after the launch, Samy surveys its sales.

Post Office Chief: "Not bad... but we got quite a number of complaints
that the glue is not strong enough."

Samy: : "Really...?"

He spits at the back of the stamp and sticks the stamp on an envelope:
"The glue seems ok"'.

Post Office Chief:: "Yes, but every one spits on the front of the stamps ....."


3. Midnight, Najib went for supper and bumped into a robber.

Robber: "Give me all your money!!"

Najib was very angry: "I am the honorable Prime Minister!"

Robber: "Well, then .... return all my money."


4. One fine day, Najib, Muyhiddin and parliament members were on the way to a meeting where they all crashed in an accident and was rushed to the hospital.

The reporters were at the hospital, the doctor shook his head "We have done our best to rescue the PM but ......."

Reporters:"How about Muyhiddin?"

Doctor:"We were unable to rescue him either ..."

Reporters:"Who have you saved?"

The doctor was excited: "Malaysia is now saved!"


5. Samy V visited the psychiatric hospital. All the patients hurray for him but there is one patient who ignored Samy.

Samy: "Why does he not welcome me?"

Doc: "He is normal today (not insane)."


6. Election campaign time - car load of politicians were involved in a
car accident.

A farmer saw and rushed to the scene but all the passengers were dead.
He buried all the passengers.

Few days later, the police in charge found the farmer and asked where all
the politicians were and was told that they had all been buried.

Police: "Did they all die?"

Farmer: "Hmmm, Samy was screaming that he is still alive when I buried him"

Police: "Then why did you bury him anyway?"

Farmer: "You know, Samy never tells the truth."

废话

佐哈里说，短片是有心人窜改、剪接和捏造的，而他从来都不是种族主义者，同时，帝帝皇沙巫统比任何时候更需要华人和印度人的选票。

怪！怪！怪！既然短片是窜改、剪接和捏造的，他干嘛道歉？

奇！奇！奇！既然他不是种族主义者，他干嘛还要把选民分为马来人华人印度人？

真是难为了佐哈里，他竟然道歉两次！

他有难言苦衷？

去。。。。。。。。死吧！！！！！！！！！！！！！

UMNO Titiwangsa Division Chief: We do not need votes from Chinese and In...

新版为虎作伥

中国2010版红楼梦拍摄完成，火热播映。这什么什么版的出现，告诉我们同样的故事久不久会重拍，换了导演，换了演员，有时也改些情节，采用新的拍摄手法，不过故事的主题、发展和结局是一样的。
成语流传于民间，经常被使用，可见其反映的事实或价值或性质的“相似”度蛮高，才能够历久不衰。那么，成语词典在说明成语的出处之际，或许不妨考虑增加“新版”出处，配合时代，也让新生代比较有熟悉的感觉，也当然就比较容易明白了。

话说......
从前，在某一个地方的一个山洞里，住着一只凶猛无比的老虎。有一天，它因为没有食物充饥，觉得非常难过。于是，它走出山洞，到附近的山野里去猎取食物。正 在这时候，老虎看到山腰的不远处有一个人正蹒珊地走来，便猛扑过去，把那个人咬死，把他的肉吃光。
但是，老虎还不满足，它抓住那个人的鬼魂不放，非让它再找 一个人供它享用不可，不然，它就不让那人的鬼魂获得自由。那个被老虎捉住的鬼魂居然同意了。
于是，他就给老虎当向导，找呀找的，终于遇到第二个人了。 这时，那个鬼魂为了自己早日得到解脱，竟然帮助老虎行凶。他先过去迷惑新遇到的人，然后把那人的腰带解开，衣服脱掉，好让老虎吃起来更方便。这个帮助老虎 吃人的鬼魂，便叫做伥鬼。后人根据这一传说，把帮助坏人做伤天害理的事情，称“为虎作伥”。

最近的这一两天，马来西亚某一个小镇发生了这样的事：
国家能源公司在十月七日早上八点被指不守诺言，突闯万挠新村强行展开兴建高压电缆的工程，结果遭到百名村民阻扰。双方爆发肢体冲撞事件，导致3人遭镇暴队逮捕。被捕的3人是万挠州议员颜贝倪的两名助理颜崧志（颜贝倪的弟弟）和古玛兰（Kumaran），以及村民温汉明。
双方一致僵持至下午4点半，最后士拉央市议会官员赶赴现场，援引《1974年建筑、道路和沟渠法令》，指国能的工程尚未获得地方政府的批准，才成功迫使国能停工。市议会较后也封锁工地。
警方援引阻碍公务及破坏公物条文，调查3人，并在八日早上向士拉央推事庭申请延扣3人长达4天，不过推事最后只批准延长扣留多1天。

如有雷同，算是巧合。